The first few months of the new year are going to be a challenge for BB Gandanghari.
The moment she updates her headshot for her resumé, she knows that she will have the make a decision on whether to still reach for her slowly fading Hollywood dream, or go home broke.
The past year started out well for Gandanghari. Riding high on the bliss from having been legally recognized as a woman, she started to pursue her goals for 2017.
She started a video blog, indulged in her passion for fashion on Instagram, signed up with a modelling agency, attended some casting calls, and moved to a new place.
But as she quickly found out, it's going to take more than sheer determination to make it in Hollywood.
She opened up about her struggles in an open letter about the "scariest time" in her life that she shared with fans this Wednesday.
She began her note by admitting that she gave herself three months to get it together in Los Angeles. But she kept pushing back her strict deadline because of her insecurities.
"So there I was, in the summer of 2017, doing everything that is humanly possible to survive this so called LIFE of a woman susceptible to hate because I am transgender," she wrote.
"Tough times is an understatement as I find ways and means to be productive so as to not only support a mere existence in a foreign land but to support a dream, the so-called Hollywood dream. And boy, it’s no joke."
She then furthered that she has never "prayed harder" in her life than during those months when was struggling for money.
"It is the scariest time as I wrestle thru the challenges of pursuing this now seemingly overwhelming and elusive Hollywood dream of mine," she said.
"Life in simple terms, confronted me at face value. Physical, social, physiological, psychological, financial and professional insecurities was slowly becoming me.
"As I try with all my might to overcome these limitations, I am in the realization that I gotta have my headshot soonest or go home or . . . broke."
She punctuated her post by hinting that it's now or never for her, writing: "To be continued."
It was just last month when Robin Padilla, her brother, expressed concern for Gandanghari after revealing that she has been moonlighting as an Uber driver.
"Medyo kinakabahan lang ako dahil siyempre America iyon. Hindi ko naman kabisado ang mga tao doon. Kung saan-saan siya minsan pumupunta. Nagko-cross country siya para sa mga hindi niya kilala," the action star said.