When ‘harmless’ chats become emotional cheating, according to Maricar Reyes | ABS-CBN
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When ‘harmless’ chats become emotional cheating, according to Maricar Reyes
When ‘harmless’ chats become emotional cheating, according to Maricar Reyes
ABS-CBN News
Published May 12, 2018 03:49 AM PHT
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Updated May 12, 2018 10:20 AM PHT
Years before her marriage with Richard Poon, Maricar Reyes made a new acquaintance, "Steve," through a common friend, and enjoyed having a conversation with him at a party, at a time when she had a troubled but still ongoing relationship.
Years before her marriage with Richard Poon, Maricar Reyes made a new acquaintance, "Steve," through a common friend, and enjoyed having a conversation with him at a party, at a time when she had a troubled but still ongoing relationship.
"Days after," the actress recalled in a blog post this week, "we exchanged 'harmless' messages."
"Days after," the actress recalled in a blog post this week, "we exchanged 'harmless' messages."
Their chat, according to Reyes, started with the likes of: "Stuck in traffic! What u doing?", "Hey I just passed by your school!", "Know any good restos in QC?", "Bored! Musta???"
Their chat, according to Reyes, started with the likes of: "Stuck in traffic! What u doing?", "Hey I just passed by your school!", "Know any good restos in QC?", "Bored! Musta???"
"I didn't want to admit it back then, but Steve's messages weren't ordinary to me," Reyes wrote. "May konting kilig, so I felt guilty. I'd make myself feel better by thinking, 'I'm not doing anything wrong. Steve is just a friend.' "
"I didn't want to admit it back then, but Steve's messages weren't ordinary to me," Reyes wrote. "May konting kilig, so I felt guilty. I'd make myself feel better by thinking, 'I'm not doing anything wrong. Steve is just a friend.' "
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Reyes recounted that she kept her "harmless" chats with Steve from her boyfriend, as him knowing would only trigger a "fight over nothing." At the time, she convinced herself that Steve was "just a friend," using it as an excuse not to tell her boyfriend about the new acquaintance.
Reyes recounted that she kept her "harmless" chats with Steve from her boyfriend, as him knowing would only trigger a "fight over nothing." At the time, she convinced herself that Steve was "just a friend," using it as an excuse not to tell her boyfriend about the new acquaintance.
Her other excuse: "I'm just getting a guy's perspective on my relationship problems."
Her other excuse: "I'm just getting a guy's perspective on my relationship problems."
With the benefit of hindsight, Reyes wrote she sees now that her conversations with Steve did nothing to help her relationship, as she began to "look forward to his messages more than my boyfriend's."
With the benefit of hindsight, Reyes wrote she sees now that her conversations with Steve did nothing to help her relationship, as she began to "look forward to his messages more than my boyfriend's."
She explained: "I was becoming emotionally tangled with Steve. Looking back, this wasn't as harmless as I thought. . . Would I be OK, if my boyfriend was exchanging messages with a girl that he had some 'kilig' for? It's absolutely NOT OK. I would feel uncomfortable, or even betrayed. So it was unfair of me to do it to him."
She explained: "I was becoming emotionally tangled with Steve. Looking back, this wasn't as harmless as I thought. . . Would I be OK, if my boyfriend was exchanging messages with a girl that he had some 'kilig' for? It's absolutely NOT OK. I would feel uncomfortable, or even betrayed. So it was unfair of me to do it to him."
Reyes, who got married to Poon in June 2013, shared the personal account as part of her "Relationship Matters" blog, which she shares with the Kapamilya crooner.
Reyes, who got married to Poon in June 2013, shared the personal account as part of her "Relationship Matters" blog, which she shares with the Kapamilya crooner.
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Sharing how the belated realization helps her marriage with Poon now, Reyes said it "reminds Richard and I of how vulnerable we are to feel-good emotions like kilig. It pushed us to make excuses for what we won't admit in our hearts to be wrong or unfair —all in the name of 'love.'"
Sharing how the belated realization helps her marriage with Poon now, Reyes said it "reminds Richard and I of how vulnerable we are to feel-good emotions like kilig. It pushed us to make excuses for what we won't admit in our hearts to be wrong or unfair —all in the name of 'love.'"
This same topic, the couple has apparently already tackled with their relationship mentors, who advised them to "guard each other against increasing levels of emotional attachment to another person."
This same topic, the couple has apparently already tackled with their relationship mentors, who advised them to "guard each other against increasing levels of emotional attachment to another person."
According to Reyes, this is how they've addressed it: "[We] tell each other in detail who we are attracted to. Admitting the truth makes the kilig emotions less powerful. Hiding it from each other makes them stronger!"
According to Reyes, this is how they've addressed it: "[We] tell each other in detail who we are attracted to. Admitting the truth makes the kilig emotions less powerful. Hiding it from each other makes them stronger!"
She added: "We also help each other keep our distance, and make sure we don’t have long conversations alone with the 'attractive' person. Richard and I realize that fighting for our relationship is a team effort!"
She added: "We also help each other keep our distance, and make sure we don’t have long conversations alone with the 'attractive' person. Richard and I realize that fighting for our relationship is a team effort!"
Quoting their mentor, Maricar ended: "People don’t start out planning to cheat. Laging hindi ‘yan sinasadya. But it usually starts with a harmless message."
Quoting their mentor, Maricar ended: "People don’t start out planning to cheat. Laging hindi ‘yan sinasadya. But it usually starts with a harmless message."
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This isn't the first time Reyes opened up about her marriage with Poon. The two are actually co-authors of "10 Things We Fight About," a book about their common conflicts and how they resolve them and turn them into "an opportunity to become even closer."
This isn't the first time Reyes opened up about her marriage with Poon. The two are actually co-authors of "10 Things We Fight About," a book about their common conflicts and how they resolve them and turn them into "an opportunity to become even closer."
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