MANILA – Toni Gonzaga and Paul Soriano have been married for five years now but the TV host confessed their first year together was the “most difficult year of our entire marriage” so far.

In an interview with Matteo Guidicelli, Gonzaga talked to him about “leaving and cleaving” which she actually found a bit hard to do in the beginning.

“When I got married, doon ko lang na-realize na it’s not just physically leaving your old house and your old life. Kasi I thought when I left my house, I already left. But no,” she said.

“My mind, my emotions were all still living with my parents because for 30 years I’ve lived with them. Programmed na 'yung buong katawan mo na ito 'yung katawan ko, ito 'yung system ko. So for the first year of our marriage, I would always consult my parents. I would always run to them for advice,” she added.

Gonzaga said she did not understand the whole idea that she’s not her old self anymore.

“That’s not who you are anymore. You are somebody’s wife and [the two of you] are one,” she explained. “I respect my parents and I love them very much but there has to be [a boundary once you are married].”

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When asked if this hurt her parents, Gonzaga said: “Yes, oo. It was also a bit difficult for them in the beginning because we had rules in our house like no more visitors ng mga 9 p.m. dati. My parents would get hurt na ‘Why can’t we visit you if we want to?’”

Gonzaga, however, is relieved that eventually they were able to adjust to the situation.

Another thing Gonzaga found difficult to do was submit to Soriano.

“That’s so hard for me, I cannot accept na ‘Paul, you are my boss.’ Kasi I am such an alpha female. Malakas din 'yung personality ko. I cannot accept nung time na 'yun na ‘Ha, you’re my boss? I will submit to you?’ It’s so hard to grasp that.”

Gonzaga, however, told Guidicelli that she eventually learned the true meaning of submission.

“Submitting is not like bowing down to your husband and adoring your husband and worshipping your husband. Submitting is allowing him to lead your family. It’s not dying, it’s not playing small or you will die to yourself just to please your husband,” she said.

“Submitting is honoring your husband, his decisions also. But it doesn’t mean when Paul makes a decision, he does not consult me. He always consults me because we are one. But you allow him kasi he’s the head of the household and you’re the light of the house. Be that light.”

Currently, Gonzaga and Soriano have a four-year-old son, Seve.