READ: 22 funny lines from Miriam's 'Stupid' book

ABS-CBN News

Posted at Dec 22 2014 06:25 PM | Updated as of Sep 29 2016 01:12 PM

MANILA – Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago recently launched her humor book “Stupid Is Forever,” which she dedicated to her two sons, Archie and AR.

“Stupid Is Forever” is a compilation of jokes, one-liners, pickup lines, comebacks and speeches delivered by Santiago, who is known for her feisty attitude.

The senator thanked the “millions of stupid people” for inspiring her to come up with the book under ABS-CBN Publishing.

To those who have yet to pick up a copy, here are some funny lines from the sold out book:

* “He is so ugly he should donate his face to the Parks and Wildlife Office in Quezon City.”

* Ang crush parang math problem, kung hindi mo makuha, titigan mo na lang.”

* “Miss, kutsara ka ba? Kasi papalapit ka pa lang, napanganga na ako.”

* “Mag-exchange gift tayo? Akin ka at sa iyo naman ako.”

* “Pwede ba kitang sabayan pauwi? Kasi sabi sa akin ng magulang ko, ‘Follow your dreams.’”

* “Pedicab ka ba? PEDICABang i-date sa Valentines Day?”

* “Ang pag-ibig ko parang langka. LANGKAtapusan.”

* “Ang sabi nila, ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away.’ Kung guwapo o maganda ang doctor, ayoko na ng apple.”

* “Good news: Wala ka nang pimples! Bad news: Dahil wala nang space.”

* “Question: What is the plural form of iced tea? Answer: Bottomless iced tea.”

* “Question: What is the plural form of rice? Answer: Extra rice.”

* “Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mo na maitim ang kili-kili niya nang hindi siya magagalit? Ganito: Ano ba ang ginagamit mong deodorant, Kiwi shoe polish?”

* “Hindi lahat ng sweet ay loyal sa ’yo. Tandaan, sweet nga ang candy, pero nakabalot naman sa plastic.”

* “Mention – Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang mention.”

* “Punctuation – Sabi ng isang bata, “Daddy, pasukan na next week. Kailangan ko po ng punctuation.”

* “A smart wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can’t afford another woman.”

* “If you are in a relationship, stop trying to figure out who wears the pants between the two of you. Relationships work best when both of you are not wearing pants.”

* “Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. Ang tawag doon ay wedding cake.”

* “Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence – a life sentence.”

* “When the husband says, ‘Ako ang tigas sa amin.’ He really means: ‘Ako ang tigas-saing ng kanin, tigas-sampay ng labada, tigas-sama sa palengke at tigas-sundo sa eskwela ng mga bata.’”

* “Kapag sinabi sa iyo ng boyfriend mo na nanlalamig na siya sa iyo, buhusan mo ng gasolina at silaban mo.”

* “Hindi naman ako mataba eh. In fact, I’m so sexy that it overflows.”