MANILA - "Pinoy Big Brother" housemate Jesi Corcuera, a transgender man, opened up about his feelings of being born in a body he does not identify with, during an episode of the reality show that aired Thursday.
He admitted that he started struggling with his gender identity at a young age, and that he frequently ignored the dresses his mother bought for him, opting to borrow boy clothes from his cousins. He also shared that his mother had difficulty in accepting him early on, and even tried to suppress who he was by sending him to an all-girls high school.
"Natakot ako na mawawalan ako ng barkada na lalaki pero doon pa pala ako mage-enjoy," Corcuera said.
And although he didn't really have to hide his true self from his family, Corcuera said that his mother wanted him to turn a new leaf. He decided to begin his transition by having his breasts removed.
"Hindi naman po namin ginusto iyong ganitong sitwasyon kasi kusa ko lang naramdaman," Corcuera said, in explaining the pain he feels whenever he was branded as a "sinner".
"Minsan nakikita ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko alam kung nagsisisi ako or what pero sobrang hirap po. Kung alam ko lang na hindi magiging madali iyong tatakbuhin ko sa ganitong karera, sana mas pinili ko na lang makinig sa gusto po ng magulang ko."
"Pero parang ang hirap din kasi hindi ka magiging totoo sa sarili mo. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar," he added.
Corcuera, however, said that he understands his mother's initial apprehension towards his decision to become male.
"Mas pinili niyang sumang-ayon sa gusto ko. Sa tingin ko hindi lang po nagsasalita si mama pero alam ko na iniisip lang din po niya iyong kapakanan ko," he said.