A photo posted by Jodi Sta.Maria (@jodistamaria) on Aug 26, 2016 at 7:03pm PDT

MANILA – Actress Jodi Sta. Maria has finally opened up about her painful past, admitting that she turned to drugs and alcohol after her separation from Pampi Lacson.

According to a report from Cebu Daily News, Sta. Maria said she felt that her life “was such a mess” at the time.

“Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Wala nang magmamahal sa akin kasi separada na ako, segunda mano (I didn’t know where to start. I felt like nobody loved me because I’m separated, I’m unwanted, like second-hand goods),” she said.

“Before I became a workaholic, I became an alcoholic. I drank day and night. I even drank during tapings. Ang gusto ko kasi masolusyunan ‘yung feeling ko of pain and emptiness (I wanted to put an end to my feeling of pain and emptiness),” she added. “When alcohol wasn’t enough, I turned to drugs. I felt empty. I pretended to be okay when the truth is hindi naman talaga (I’m not).”

“I was in and out of bad relationships that left me all the more wounded and broken.”

Sta. Maria was married to Lacson for five years. They have a child, Thirdy, who is now ten years old.

Looking back on her failed marriage, the actress said: “I got married at the age of 22. The marriage lasted for five years. Siguro, inisip ko, nagpakasal kami at a very young age na we didn’t really know each other. Instead of bringing out the best in each other, it brought out the worst in us. At that point, we could not protect Thirdy from the chaos in the home, so we decided to separate.”

• Jodi Sta. Maria to speak on annulment ‘in time’

Sta. Maria said she was eventually able to pick up the pieces and start over, with the actress thanking veteran actress Connie Reyes for inviting her to attend church.

She said she was able to quit smoking, alcohol and drugs after becoming a Christian. “I have a newfound respect for my body now, and I have to take care of it,” she said.