Singer-host Billy Crawford in an interview on "The Buzz" on Sunday (July 28)
MANILA – For the first time, Billy Crawford opened up about his recent breakup with Nikki Gil, his girlfriend of four and a half years.
In an interview on the ABS-CBN entertainment talk show “The Buzz” on Sunday, Crawford denied rumors claiming that there was a “third party” involved in the split, saying that “it all boils down to me.”
He explained, for one, that he “forgot” who he was after nearly 26 years of being in the entertainment industry.
“I’ve been everywhere, and this is the first time I’ve ever felt this way. That’s why I ask everyone, do not blame Nikki. She has no fault. I’m not a perfect guy. I’m not a perfect person. I’ve done some things in my life that I regret. And she, she supported me. She understood. She was there. But I tend to go home by myself,” Crawford told “The Buzz” host Boy Abunda.
“I’m the one who’s completely lost and I’m searching. I asked her this. You know, give me that chance to find myself since it’s very difficult. I tend to hurt her,” he added.
Crawford, who is set to reunite with his parents in the United States on August 3, said he did not want to leave the country without explaining his side.
“That’s why I’m here, because I didn’t want to just leave and not say anything, and then for everybody to attack her (Gil). And for everybody to speculate, to guess, whatever… For some reason, I needed to be with my mom and dad.
“I have to start from scratch. I have to start from… where did I come from? I came from my parents. I need to try and find what was making me happy before, who I was, and I just want to be with my family.”
Crawford evaded questions on whether he has fallen out of love with Gil or if they outgrew each other, only saying that he does not want to be unfair to her.
“I don’t want to continue to hurt her because if I continued with this relationship, in the long run, talagang ‘di na talaga kami magkakatugma eh,” he said. “We don’t see eye to eye on things. We’re not on the same page anymore.”
Crawford admitted that Gil fought hard to save their relationship, even harder than he did.
“She fought for it,” he said. “I tried, but she really stuck it out, I have to admit. And I’m admitting this because I respect her.”
“I just wasn't there. I wasn't myself,” he added.
Asked if Gil understood why he had to end their nearly five-year relationship, the “It’s Showtime” host said: “No.”
“Mahirap naman na maintindihan ng isang tao ‘yun, eh,” he added.
Crawford went on to explain that he was unable to make her happy during the latter part of their relationship.
“Nasaktan ko siya, and she’s an amazing person,” he said.
Meanwhile, he gave this short message to Gil: “I hope you understand. That’s really all.”
Meanwhile, Crawford apologized to those who have supported his relationship with Gil for the past four and a half years.
He admitted that he felt the pressure of being half of what used to be “one of the most loved, most ideal couples” in the local entertainment industry.
“Pasensya na kayo ah,” said Crawford, who began to cry. “Sa lahat din ng sumuporta sa relationship namin ni Nikki, I think I can say from the both of us, we really thank you. ‘Cause it did give us strength.”
Asked what he learned from the breakup, he said: “Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good enough. But I learned that importante pala na mahanap mo ‘yung sarili mo muna. I think kung mas maligaya ka, mas medaling magpaligaya ng ibang tao.”
As he tries to move on, Crawford said he is not closing his doors on the possibility that he and Gil will get back together.
“Only God knows,” he said.