WATCH: Angelica cries as she opens up about John Lloyd

ABS-CBN News

Posted at May 23 2016 12:09 PM | Updated as of Sep 29 2016 05:31 PM

MANILA – Angelica Panganiban could not hold back her tears when she opened up about her failed relationship with John Lloyd Cruz for the first time.

Speaking to Vice Ganda during the Sunday episode of “Gandang Gabi Vice,” Panganiban shared that she only decided to start moving on after she reached her lowest point following their split.

“Nakita ko 'yung sarili ko na para bang sobra kong down. Kasi hindi ako nag-o-open up sa kaibigan ko, sa pamilya ko. So nung nakita ko 'yung sarili ko na ganun, parang ‘Huy girl, tama na. Nakakaawa ka na. Down na down ka na. Bangon.’”

However, Panganiban was honest in saying she has not yet fully recovered from their break-up.

“Slight na lang. Kasi mga four hours na akong hindi umiiyak. Ito ang pinakamatagal ko kaya iba 'yung look ko ngayon. Minsan kasi -- sikat ‘di ba? Ang daming billboard. Kapag nakita ko, ano ba iyan, 'yan na naman, maiiyak na naman ako,” she said.

Panganiban then said in jest that she will make sure her next boyfriend is not a popular actor.

“Lesson learned talaga, huwag sikat. Kung gusto mo ng artista, 'yung laos or 'yung feeling mong wala ng direction, 'yung parang wala masyadong papel sa mundo, tulala lang. 'Yun ang hinahanap ko ngayon, 'yung lalaking tulala,” she said.

Meanwhile, Panganiban confessed that she has not yet deleted any of their photos together, either on her phone or on social media.

“Minsan [tinitignan ko pa rin]. ‘Ito 'yung last picture namin, ang saya pa namin.’ Minsan nasa bahay ka tapos mabibigla ka, ‘Ano yun parang may naaamoy ako? Parang naaamoy ko 'yung pabango niya. Hala baliw na ako,’” she shared.

But Panganiban said she is intentionally avoiding places that are memorable for them.

“Nung una hindi talaga [ako pumupunta sa mga napuntahan naming lugar] kasi nag-Bali ako, tapos may stopover na Hong Kong. Grabe, paglabas ko pa lang, parang nilamon ako tapos umiiyak talaga ako mag-isa tapos natatawa ako. Para akong tanga kasi umiiyak ako habang naglalakad tapos umupo na ako tapos tumatawa ako habang umiiyak,” she said.

Cracking a joke, Panganiban said she almost left ABS-CBN. “Muntik na nga akong lumipat ng network pero dahil may respeto ako sa ABS, sige hindi na lang ako lilipat. Magre-retire na lang ako,” she said, laughing.

Still texting

Months after they parted ways, Panganiban said she still gets to talk to Cruz from time to time.

“Hindi naman [kami] madalas [mag-text], grabe naman 'yung madalas. Friends [lang] kami. Hindi pa nga ako nakaka-move on, hayaan niyo na, malapit na, kaunti na lang. Kaya ko,” she said.

Asked if keeping in touch with Cruz helps her move on, Panganiban said: “Hindi naman siyempre kami naglalandian sa text. Civil lang. Minsan mangangamusta, ‘Hi, kamusta ka na? Saan ka ngayon?’ Tapos sasabihin ko ‘Sa work. Ikaw, kamusta ka?’ ‘Okay naman, work din. Ingat ka.’ Ganun.”

She also admitted that they saw each other in Hong Kong during the Holy Week break.

“Nagkita naman kami kasi nga tina-try namin ang best namin na maging magkaibigan naman kami. Ang sakit nga ng panga ko, parang buong gabing masakit. Pinipigilan ko maiyak tapos tatawa ka,” she said.

Aside from that, the actress said there was also another time when they met up just to catch up.

“Nagkita lang, get-together lang. Kasi siyempre naging busy naman talaga siya sa trabaho, mahirap siyempre magkamustahan lang sa phone ‘di ba? Puwede rin naman kayong magkita,” she said.

 

A photo posted by Angelica Panganiban (@iamangelicap) on

Lessons learned

Although their four-year relationship did not prosper, Panganiban said the best lesson she has learned from their break-up is to always have a positive outlook in life.

“Siguro wala akong bitterness. Wala akong ill feelings na kahit kanino. Hindi talaga [ako galit sa kanya]. Kasi ‘di ba hindi niyo na na-save 'yung relationship niyo as a couple, why not save your relationship bilang magkaibigan?” she said.

While they did not have their happy ending, Panganiban said she does not regret anything because she was happy with Cruz in those four years.

“Walang katumbas 'yung sayang 'yun sa nangyaring paghihiwalay niyo. Malungkot lang, pero lagi niyong iisipin na kung bakit naging ganun kasakit, kasi naging ganun ka kasaya. 'Yun ang nagma-matter, 'yung pinagsamahan niyo, 'yung saya, 'yung respeto na binigay niyo sa isa’t isa,” she said.

To end the interview, Panganiban answered who among her former boyfriends she would want to get back with if given the choice.

“Wala. Mas magandang ayusin muna 'yung sarili para kapag nagkaroon ng second chance, final na 'yun kasi maayos na 'yung sarili mo, buong buo ka na. This time, sure ka nang dirediretso na 'yun. Hindi ko 'yun kayang sagutin hangga’t hindi pa buo 'yung sarili ko. Hindi mo puwedeng i-depend ang happiness mo sa ibang tao. Iyan ang pinakanatutunan ko talaga this time. Para kapag nawala 'yung happiness mo, kaya mo,” she said.