OPINION: Malacañang Palace reviewed

Alan Robles — Hot Manila

Posted at Dec 18 2017 07:28 PM

We've heard the raves, the excited word of mouth: it's supposed to be the in-place, the perfect venue for a photoshoot, ideal for a short stay, a great location for a class reunion or party, blah blah. But before you give in to the hype and rush off to book Malacañang Palace, you might want to play it safe first and read the Trip Advisor reviews:

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●○○○○ reviewed four weeks ago via mobile

Nice ambience, terrible service

It's very pretty and historical, with lots of heavy antique furniture, wooden polished floors and knick-knacks from who knows what period. But, we couldn't get decent service. I tried calling the desk to have some burgers brought up but all I got was somebody very nasty who told me to screw off, he was busy planning a coup attempt. I mean, what the heck? 

R Schiffer, Oakland CA

Stayed one night

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●●○○○ reviewed two weeks ago via mobile

Disappointing

We went there to see the famous seal, and imagine our disappointment when we discovered it was just this big round cloth thing instead of a frisky amphibious creature balancing balls on its nose. In irritation and to make the trip worthwhile, my husband tried to take it down and stuff it into our bags but was VERY RUDELY stopped by a big, fat, bald guy who asked what the hell we were doing, to put it back, that seal was valuable and was to be used only in photoshoots.

To be fair, the place does have an extensive reptile collection, except that they aren't locked up, they're just walking around freely in these clothes called barongs.

A Bobo, Chronicle TX

Stayed one night

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●○○○○ reviewed three weeks ago via desktop

Horrible experience

We couldn't get a decent night's sleep because in another room kept bellowing something that sounded like MYLABS MYLABS WHERE ARE YOU. I was very much reminded of a lovesick drunk whale, I am sorry to say. We will not be coming back

Mrs Sid Buyas,

Stayed one night

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●●●●○ reviewed four weeks ago via FB fake account

Great entertainment

We were just beginning to tuck into bed when a half-naked young woman suddenly burst into the room and ran out another door. Later we found out it was the establishment's communications officer late for a meeting. I plan to bring my frat mates next time

Ledon Masturbato, KSA

Stayed three nights

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●○○○○ reviewed four days ago via barbed wire

"Never again"

So not worth it. We had such high expectations. Right from the start everything was bad, we tried to drive our Hummer through these obstacles and park it right in front of the building but we got screamed at by guards who I might say didn't hesitate to point guns at us. Then later when we settled into our room (which was nice enough) we found out it was located in a place where we could hear people screaming and shouting and pounding tables. We were later told it was a cabinet meeting.

I want my money back, do you hear?

Mrs Riyoh, Mandaluyong

Stayed one night

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●○○○○ reviewed four days ago via telepathy

Overrated

The standard of housecleaning leaves much to be desired. I opened a desk in my room and found a wig in it. It even had a label: "to be worn during impeachment."

It gets worse. When we opened one cabinet, a body wrapped in tape fell out. It had a cardborad sign attached to it. I mean, what the hell?

We are certainly not coming back

No Alejandrino, Planet Mars

Stayed three nights

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●●●○○ reviewed one year ago via singing

Needs fumigation

I went there for sentimental reasons and although some changes have been made since my last stay the place still looks very familiar and is full of fond memories.

I just have one complaint, it should be aired out more. It still smells too much of freedom.

Imelda, BGC

Stayed 20 years, soon to move in again later

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Disclaimer: The views in this blog are those of the blogger and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABS-CBN Corp.