Hello, my name is Jumbo Urinal. I'm the owner, manager, director, main stockholder, accounting officer and maintenance man of a very prestigious nursing school.
Nalulungkot kami, because there are really nasty reports in the media that our country is full of so-called "substandard" nursing schools in the Philippines. There are even accusations that many of them are fly-by-night operations just out to make money while giving defective education. And that they only manage to stay open by pulling political strings and asking certain congresswomen to stop government from closing them down.
That's a lie! Nothing could be further from the truth! Let's take MY school as an example. I happen to think we meet all the requirements of a good nursing school.
What are those requirements?
One, it should have a good name. Ours is "Have Mercy and Save Us All Mama Mary School of OK Na Yan Nursing." Definitely prestigious.
Two, it should have a prime location. Eh, we're right in the heart of Quiapo in the sixth floor of a building right next to that old movie house. You can find us easily because we're beside the room of Madame Delilah, the manghuhula and turon vendor.
Number three, good ratio of faculty to students. We have one teacher to 400 students. That's a high popularity ratio, parang FB likes, di ba?
Four, good facilities. We definitely have those. For instance, we have doors. And windows. Though some are broken. But, at least, we won't need aircon, not? But we also have high-tech gadgets. For instance, students can't get into the classroom unless they deposit money in a special entrance device.
Five, quality of courses. The best! We offer a variety of courses for aspiring nurses. We have programs suited to the budget of the students. If you can't afford our full program, we have what we call the "EZ MATRIKULA" and "INSTA NARS" special curriculums.
For example, we have a special TAGA ALAGA LANG program: it's three weeks, and the student gets a certificate saying the holder is qualified to sweep floors. An extra one week training is possible under our BAHALA NA SI BATMAN program which will actually be the equivalent of a masters in caring for the aged, which we call MA GULANG.
Or for those who want to be nurses quickly, we have our special HINDI KAILANGANG GANUN KAGALING course, a six-month program giving a degree in Room Nurse with a specialization in opening doors. The diploma, by the way, also serves as a coupon good for a free turon at Madame Delilah's. How about that?
You're asking, do we also teach good ethics? Of course! We definitely encourage our students to take our elective units in religion because as graduates of our school, they will definitely need to pray for their patients.
So, you see, we are a very respectable school and I don't understand why you have all these accusations of fly by night outfits. We are a profitable, well-run enterprise and, in fact, we are about to undertake a major investment move: we intend to buy out Madame Delilah.
Disclaimer: The views in this blog are those of the blogger and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABS-CBN Corp.