Beijing yesterday denied reports a Chinese research vessel was illegally venturing into Malacañang Palace.
"Our ship is well within territory that is indisputably ours," said Chinese spokesperson Ha-Li Loh Keh.
China issued the statement in the light of reports that the research vessel Sha Min Xia had actually sailed past the Reception Hall, wandered into the Rizal Ceremonial Hall, and was making its way to the Presidential Study.
Confirming that the research ship was inside the Palace, Beijing spokesperson Ha-Li said "we strenuously deny that Sha Min Xia is violating any Philippine territory", claiming that "our ship is undertaking legitimate scientific activities."
He said, that "for example, our research vessel is probing for traces of this legendary monster bandit called Makoy, a creature of alleged surpassing dishonesty, greed and foul odor." Chinese records show the "vile creature" was last seen in the Palace 31 years ago. According to the spokesperson, scientists had found traces of the creature's stench.
"Also, our research scientists have spotted an extremely rare artifact - an unused jet ski, buried deep in a secret location. Our scientists winched it up, took pictures, laughed at it, and then carefully restored it to its original resting place."
Ha-Li said after probing the various halls, the research vessel planned to chart a course to the Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO) because of "many sightings of strange bottom dwelling life forms in that location."
The spokesperson said before it did that, the Sha Min Xia would anchor long enough for its chief scientist to debark and call on President Rodrigo Duterte.
"You see, the daughter of our chief scientist' is holding a birthday party and he wants to book the Palace for a commemorative photo shoot."
The Beijing spokesperson explained that "he's hoping to get a good rate."
He denied reports that the research vessel was staking out locations in Malacañang that would be reclaimed and then developed into military bases.
"Whatever would we want to do that for?" he scoffed. "We already have so many bases."
"However, if we do develop any installations in our indisputably sovereign territory, we assure the world they will be purely for peaceful purposes."
Ha-Li said that after exploring Malacañang, the research ship would sail on to Congress and the Supreme Court to study the "fascinating jellyfish activity there."
Before arriving in the palace, the ship had been exploring Benham Rise. The spokesperson said "our scientists spent several weeks there on a busy schedule, planting Chinese markers everywhere and taking selfies where they make faces at the Philippine flags they found."
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