By now, you should already know that Uncle Roger is a character that UK-based Malaysian comic Nigel Ng created for his YouTube reaction vlogs. The guy plays up the stereotypical “funny Asian guy with broken English” that reminds us 80s kids very much of Mr. Stephen Yan of “Wok With Yan”—the guy who introduced us to the many benefits of a wok and taught us how to carve carrots and turn them into table decor.
Uncle Roger became a sensation when he “attacked” the skills of one Hersha Patel who was trying to teach her BBC Food audience how to make egg fried rice. He pointed out the highly “offensive” ways she prepared the dish: 1) measuring water with a teacup and not with a finger the way many Asians do, 2) washing the rice and 3) draining it with the use of a colander, 4) running water through the rice and therefore ruining it. A lot of people online took Uncle Roger’s side, without pausing to consider the facts that Ng is just doing a parody of an "Asian uncle," not all Asians cook rice the same way, and there is no one way to cook egg fried rice.
Anyway, Uncle Roger is back and he just took on British culinary superstar Jamie Oliver, author of several books on cooking and nutrition, as well as host of many cooking shows over the years. Oliver has been doing splendidly in his career in the kitchen for a long time now until, apparently, he decided to make his own version of the sacred Asian dish egg fried rice. Uncle Roger was not very happy.
Here are the 9 facepalm-worthy egg fried rice sins the award-winning chef committed to video—as per Uncle Roger at least.
- He used a sauce pan. That’s the first mistake Jamie committed, which merited a “Haiiiyaa!” from Uncle Roger. In Uncle Roger’s book, egg fried rice is only cooked using a wok. “The wok gives the food flavor.” It's in the shape.
- He used olive oil. “Who use olive oil for fried rice?” asks Uncle Roger, feet firmly on chair as usual. “Are you making salad?”
- The first thing he puts on olive oil is spring onion. “No no no no,” says Uncle Roger. Spring onion is only to be used as garnish. Adding it onto the hot oil very early will make it wilt. Jaime should have followed the oil with garlic—spring onion is the last thing you add before the finished dish is served, not the first thing you add to the oil.
- He used pre-cooked rice from a packet. Sacrilege! “This guy own so many restaurants, and he still can’t be bothered to cook his own rice?!” Imagine ordering noodles in a Japanese restaurant and they serve you instant noodles, Uncle Roger says. Because that’s what Jamie did—serve you instant noodles.
- Jamie advised to drain the rice. He also advised his viewers to chill the rice but that’s actually the first thing the British chef got right in this video, as per Uncle Roger.
- He puts chili jam in the fried rice. Chili jam, says Jamie, is “brilliant for cooking.” But if you ask Uncle Roger, “This is disgusting.” Just use Asian chili, he says, holding a bottle of Huy Fong sriracha sauce. “What are you going to put in there next, peanut butter?”
- Jamie gave the fried rice—in the middle of cooking—a splash of water. “If your rice too wet,” says Uncle Roger, “you f#@ked up.” But when your rice is too dry, “you f#@cked up, too.”
- Jamie put tofu on the fried rice, breaking it up with his hands. In Asian cooking, says Uncle Roger, one preserves the shape of the tofu and serves it that way.
- Jamie glazed a bowl with olive oil before putting the cooked egg fried rice. “He put olive oil on everything. Do you shower with olive oil also?” he asks Jamie who, of course, cannot answer.
Chef Jamie says the egg fried rice he made is the healthy way of cooking a traditionally unhealthy dish. He says it looks silky and delicious. Uncle Roger thinks it’s too wet you can see your reflection in it. Jamie says his egg fried rice is fantastic. Uncle Roger can't get over the following: it’s too wet, there’s no garlic, he broke the tofu, he didn’t use a wok, and most of all, it didn’t have MSG! “It’s all wrong,” he says, majorly disappointed again.