Richard, Lucy share secrets to lasting marriage
MANILA, Philippines – Celebrity couple Richard Gomez and Lucy Torres have survived the so-called seven-year itch in married relationships twice as they celebrate their 14th anniversary this year.
Despite their busy schedules – Gomez just finished taping for the top-rating ABS-CBN soap “Walang Hanggan” and Torres is busy with her work as a congresswoman in Leyte – the two still make it a point to spend time and be “crazy in love” not only with each other but also with their only daughter, Juliana.
“Honey, it’s been what – 15 years since we’ve had a really good run and I want you to know that I’m still crazy in love with you, and that’s something I see that will not change in any way. I never want us to grow old na ‘hmm, asawa-asawa ko lang ‘yan.’ I want this kind of love to stay,” Torres told Gomez on Monday’s episode of ABS-CBN morning talk show “Kris TV,” where they both appeared as guests.
Gomez, for his part, told Torres: “I’ve never been happier, Lucy. Simula noong nakilala kita, naging asawa kita, naging friend kita, lagi na lang ako masaya. And hindi magiging makulay ang buhay ko kung wala ka sa akin.”
So what is their secret to a happy and lasting marriage?
Gomez and Torres shared their thoughts as based on the her article titled “7 tips for a stronger marriage,” which was first published in the magazine Women’s Health Philippines last year:
1. Don’t force him to be something he’s not, and encourage him to do the same with you.
Torres: If he has to do his sports, I don’t think of it as time away from me. Parang okay lang ‘pag gusto niya mag-sports at saka hindi ko siya pipiliting sumama sa akin mag-dancer.
Gomez: Yeah. Right now, I’m very much into volleyball and Juliana’s into fencing.
2. Keep your identities, but have activities you do together.
Gomez: First and foremost sa isang relationship, ‘di dapat mawala ‘yung personality ng bawat isa. ‘Yung time together namin, madalas during meals – when we eat at night magkasama kami, or when we have midnight snacks together.
3. Talk to each other.
Gomez: Naku, maniwala ka [Lucy is very talkative]. Minsan nakapikit na ako, natutulog na ako, bakit may nagsasalita pa sa tabi ko?
Torres: Ako kasi I don’t hide anything from him. Parang kasi early on, he established that, sabi niya “hindi ako manghuhula honey ah.” Because the mistake daw of girls is parang nagsi-silent treatment tapos ‘di naman alam nung guy, ‘di naman alam kung ano ‘yung ikinasama ng loob niya. So ako, I don’t make him guess. I tell him everything.
Gomez: Ako, hindi ako madaldal na tao eh [but we still talk].
Torres: Before sleeping and throughout the day, we keep in touch. There are times na maaabutan niya ako na tulog na talaga ako [because of taping] and when I wake up nakaalis na siya. But I know na during that time na tulog ako, love niya ako kasi pagkagising ko meron akong nest. He always builds me a nest kasi I’m ginawin, iniipit niya ako sa mga sheets.
4. Be his/her friend.
Torres: Kasi we won’t be young forever. At some point, kukulubot ka rin and ‘pag nawala na ‘yung physical attraction, what remains, ‘di ba? It’s really the bond, it’s really the friendship.
Gomez: You know what I really enjoy when I’d walk with Lucy? It’s when I hold her hand tapos naglalakad lang kami together.
5. Commit to each other every day.
Torres: [Walang Plan B] para wala talagang option na… I’ve never felt in our marriage na it has been ‘yung talagang threatened kasi hindi ko naiisip na ‘okay lang kung hindi magwo-work out e di hiwalay kami.’ Parang never ko siya na-entertain.
Gomez: At never ko ring inisip ‘yun no.
Torres: Dapat lang, no (laughs).
Gomez: Oo naman (laughs).
Torres: ‘Yung goal ko talaga in our marriage is not just to love each other but to stay in love with each other. I want to be at that level where you’re still crazy in love with each other.
6. Give each other personal space.
Torres: ‘Wag magpapatol kasi it’s like a dance eh. There’s a rhythm. ‘Pag wala sa tiyempo ‘yung isa, medyo off siya for the day, ‘wag mo nang sabayan until he feels better.
‘Pag pagod ako and I had a bad day and alam ko ring pagod siya, I don’t unload. ‘Pag siya naman ‘yung okay at ako ‘yung kailangan ng care, I tell him. Kasi with him, he just makes things better. When my day’s bad, he knows how to make things better, he knows what to say.
Gomez: It’s a good thing na rin na Lucy was busy during those times (“Walang Hanggan” taping) kasi we start at 8 a.m. and we finish late in the evening, or morning na ako madalas nakakauwi.
Torres: Buti na lang talaga may ginagawa ako. [I hardly visit the set] Kasi ayokong mapagbintangan na [misis na bantay nang bantay]. Kasi kahit napadalaw ka lang doon baka ma-misinterpret. Ako when I go there, I keep to his tent, hindi ako ‘yung ikot nang ikot sa set.
7. Learn from each other.
Torres: [I learned from Richard] to not be afraid of so many things. ‘Yung sasabihin niya “honey, just try it. If you don’t want it, then wala.” Ang daming areas in my life na now I find beautiful pero kung hindi niya in-open ‘yung door for me, I never would’ve known.
Gomez: Ako, mas natuto akong magdasal. Although naniniwala naman talaga ako sa Panginoon, nagdadasal naman ako, but not as much as I used to. Ngayon, ‘pag kunyari tingin ko medyo magkakaroon ng problema, nagdadasal agad ako.
At natuto rin akong magbalanse ng mga bagay, ng mga tao. Dati kasi ako kapag “ay, medyo pangit ang ugali ng taong ‘to,” hindi ko na kinakausap. Pero ngayon, sige kahit pangit ang ugali nito, sige kausapin na rin kita. I learned that from Lucy. Ang hirap gawin ah, ang hirap talagang gawin.
Torres: Kasi kung ‘di kayo nagkatugma the first time, maybe it was an off day. ‘Di mo alam kung anong pinagdaanan niya that day.