MANILA, Philippines – Parenting is not just about loving and protecting your children, a psychologist said Monday, as she stressed the need for what she called “logical consequence.”
Jojie Racelis, a psychologist for the Center for Family Ministries, made the statement in a television interview following recent reports of children and teens getting involved and drugs and crime.
She lamented that some parents tend to tolerate their kids’ wrongs out of “love,” which eventually leads to bad behavior.
“’Yung mga magulang, they think that it’s good parenting to overprotect their children and cover up. Ang importante kasi is parents should make their children experience what we call logical consequence,” Racelis said in an interview on the ABS-CBN morning show “Umagang Kay Ganda.”
The psychologist then explained the basic premise of logical consequence: “If I do something good, good things will happen. If I do something bad, bad things will happen. May consequence.”
“If, from the start, he (kid) was able to experience the consequence, hindi siya magkakaganun. Kung pinapatawad, palala nang palala, hindi siya nag-iiba eh. Ang iniisip niya, ‘I will always get away with it because I will be forgiven anyway,’” she added.
Racelis said teaching logical consequence to kids will help them grow up to be good adults, although she made it clear that there are several other factors that may affect their personality and behavior.
“I don’t want to say they’re (parents) wholly responsible, but they are partly responsible for what their children become,” she explained. “Either too much parenting or kulang sa pansin.”
Asked about parents who think that they are being “too hard” on their children when they let them face the consequence of their actions, Racelis replied: “At a young age, first, love your children. But love does not mean spoiling and kunsinte. Love includes discipline.”
Kinds of parents
In a previous interview, parenting expert Maribel Dionisio enumerated four common parenting styles and how these affect their children.
The first includes the “autocratic parents”, who always have very high expectations from their children. Since they cannot afford to make a single mistake, children tend to be secretive as they feel worthless when they are with their parents.
The opposite of this is the “permissive parents,” who often produce children who are spoiled and do not know how to compromise.
The third is the “uninvolved parents,” or those who do not monitor their children at all. Kids raised by these parents may end up lacking certain competencies, or have low self-esteem.
The fourth and the ideal parents, according to Dionisio, are the “democratic” ones, those who guide and explain to their children what is right and what is wrong, and give them the opportunity to choose and speak for themselves.
“Even if you put this child in a different environment, he can adapt easily because he knows how to ask and respect people around him the way he respects himself. This child never allows anybody to abuse or maltreat him/her because that’s what he/she learned from his parents,” Dionisio said.