OPINION: What's happening in Congress?

Alan Robles — Hot Manila

Posted at Dec 02 2017 06:06 AM

Having ingested too many televised committee hearings the past few days, I had a disturbed sleep where I dreamt I interviewed a congressman.

Me: Congressman, I can't tell you how excited I am to get an exclusive interview with you. Everyone knows how our congressmen are all so occupied flying abroad investigating things in Europe with their families, or are too busy speeding through Manila's red lights with their sirens blaring, it's wonderful you can find the time to talk to us.

Congressman: That's why you can only interview me in your dream

Me: And you have such a strange name too. Roberto Tile. And you're a Representative. Does that mean I can call you...

Congressman: You know you will.

Me: Rep Tile?

Rep Tile: It's your dream.

Me: Am I safe from any libel suits?

Rep Tile: As long as my name isn't Tito Sotto. 

Me: Congressman Tile, this is a rare opportunity for you to inform our readers what Congress is up to and its priorities. Tell us about this tax package you have been working on.

Rep Tile: It's a very complex financial issue with lots of economic impacts and social implications which we have to carefully consider and I think we need to arrest the chief justice.

Me: Pardon me?

Rep Tile: Arrest her, drag her out of her office, throw her in prison, impeach her.

Me: Noted, congressman. Now how about giving us a summary on what Congress is doing about the Bangsamoro Basic Law?

Rep Tile: This is a very urgent matter because it involves peace, security, terrorism and the future of Mindanao. Which is why we have to impeach the chief justice.

Me: Excuse me?

Rep Tile: Impeach, expunge, fire, get rid of.

Me: Er, congressman tell us about the controversy over the budget cuts to the public works department?

Rep Tile: This is an alarming development that will have to be tackled by the bicameral committee.

Me: When will you do this?

Rep Tile: As soon as we impeach the chief justice.

Me: Of course.

Rep Tile: Impeach, expunge, fire, get rid of.

Me: Sir, your mouth is foaming.

Rep Tile: Impeach, expunge, fire, get rid of.

Me: Congressman Tile, what can you say about the continuous breakdowns of the MRT and the suffering of commuters?

Rep Tile: A very serious matter, the commuter have my sympathy. You know what? I think the MRT is possessed by an evil spirit.

Me: It is?

Rep Tile: Surely. An evil spirit that is HIDING IN THE OFFICE OF THE SUPREME COURT CHIEF JUSTICE.

Me: OK, here we go again.

Rep Tile: And to get at that spirit we have to remove the chief justice from her office. IMPEACH THE CHIEF JUSTICE.

Me: Thank you for the interview congressman.

Rep Tile: GIVE ME THAT MICROPHONE.

Me: Let go, it's my dream.

Rep Tile: Not anymore. Bring in the fake witnesses! The xeroxed evidence! Summon the legions! GUARDS! IMPEACH THE CHIEF JUSTICE! AFTER HER YOU FOOLS.

(sounds of grunting and oinking)

This nightmare will be continued tomorrow. And everyday.

Disclaimer: The views in this blog are those of the blogger and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABS-CBN Corp.