Suspending the writ of habeas corpus will help the government win its war against justice, a so-called political consultant assured yesterday.
"President Duterte is committed to an unremitting war on justice and he won't rest until he has wiped it out, that is why habeas corpus has to go," said Pol Ulol of the group Showbeast Government Last Chance Obosen Sipsip Enterprises.
He was holding a press conference on a street corner in Cubao and accosting passersby.
The writ of habeas corpus protects citizens against illegal arrests and detention, preventing authorities from, in effect, kidnapping and "vanishing" anybody they want.
"So what?" Ulol scoffed when told about this by a pedestrian. "Who needs to know that useless stuff? Can you eat habeas corpus? Don't you know Our Glorious Leader is waging a life and death struggle? He has a vision here, he wants to build a society protected from justice and its evil companion, human rights."
Ulol said: "The previous administration ignored the threat posed by justice and now it has reached crisis proportions! Are you aware that justice and human rights are now circulating freely all over this country, and anybody can just avail of them? Thousands of people are addicted to human rights, it's a national disaster!"
The political consultant claimed that the proliferation of justice and human rights is creating "millions" of "temperamental brats" who threaten to stop the administration's plan to increase the country's production of cadavers lying in the streets. "Justice is a clear and present danger, it is subverting our country, it won't be easily destroyed."
But, he pointed out, "thanks to the wisdom of Our Glorious Leader, the country is finally beginning to awaken to the justice menace and now we have a solid program, but he has to fast track it if he wants to save the country."
According to Ulol, after habeas corpus is taken down, "there are still all the other big fish, like free speech, freedom of the press, due process, the bill of rights." He said that after they're all destroyed, the administration can focus on diversifying ways of creating corpses.
"Initially people will be snatched off the street and killed, but eventually, who knows, people will just kill themselves. Maybe government will help them, for instance by forcing them to to hear a speech of Our Glorious Leader or 20 hours straight."
When told that the Bill of Rights was a fundamental part of the constitution, Ulol screamed "I'll tell you the rights that matter - Our Glorious Leader is right and that's all right, that's my bill of rights you fools!"
Screaming incoherently, Ulol jumped aboard a backhoe and drove away.
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