Bongbong's BBL alternative

Hot Manila - by Alan Robles

Posted at Jun 18 2015 08:05 PM | Updated as of Jun 19 2015 04:05 AM

Senator Bongbong Marcos promises to come up with his own version of the Basic Bangsamoro Law (BBL) and solve the Mindanao problem. Unfortunately, he hasn't revealed details of his master plan, presumably because he is working hard at it far into the night, sacrificing dollars to his father's demonic spirit while cackling deliriously.

Just kidding. But it IS true he hasn't disclosed his genius plan yet. Fortunately, we managed to dredge up a brand-new fully paid-for Marcos loyalist journalist, Tony the Crony, who assured us he has a direct line to Marcos junior's plan.

This is how the interview went:

Q: Tony the Crony, Bongbong Marcos complained that the current BBL is inadequate and he plans to improve it. How?

A: I have no doubt – this is important – he's going to rename it.

Q: Rename it?

A: He'll call the BBL the “BongBong Law”

Q: What does he have in mind?

A: He wants to make sure citizens of the autonomous region will stay loyal, so his BBL will require all students there to swear several oaths.

Q: What oaths?

A: They'll swear allegiance to the Philippine flag and republic.

Q: What else?

A: They'll have to swear that the Marcoses are all innocent of any and all crimes such as torture, looting, murder, lying.

Q: Really?

A: Then, they'll have to swear that Bongbong Marcos really did get an MA degree from Oxford.

Q: When will they do all this?

A: Everyday during flag ceremony, where they'll be required to sing the Bagong Lipunan song.

Q: Tony the Crony, what about the Bongbong Law's actual provisions?

A: Article I – Ferdinand Marcos Senior is hereby declared a national hero; Article 2: the autonomous region will set up a shoe industry dedicated to and named after Imelda Marcos; Article 3: the autonomous region will immediately make a settlement with the Marcoses allowing them to keep all their wealth and dropping all the cases against them; Article 4: the president of the Philippines can declare Martial Law anytime he wants to.

Q: Martial Law?

A: But only if the president is named “Marcos.”

Q: Marcos?

A: To be more specific, “Bongbong Marcos”

Q: Tony the Crony, is Bongbong Marcos using the BBL to play politics?

A: Excuse me! Senator Marcos is not doing this just because elections are next year and he's jockeying for position. Anyway, as a well-paid lackey, I happen to think he's well qualified to fill the position.

Q: Why do you say that?

A: Come on, we all know that elected leaders do nothing but loot the national treasury, right?

Q: And so?

A: Well, Bongbong Marcos comes from a family with DECADES of experience in looting.

Q: That doesn't sound right

A: Gotta go. I still have to write 200 pro-Marcos troll posts under different fake FB account names. But before I leave, I'd like voters to always remember the famous Marcos slogan.

Q: What's that?

A: This country can be raped again

Disclaimer: The views in this blog are those of the blogger and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABS-CBN Corp.