With Congress working hard to pass the Bangsamoro Basic Law (BBL), which promises a historic opportunity to bring peace and social justice to Mindanao, we thought we'd interview highly informed analysts and insightful critics of the BBL.
Unfortunately they were all busy in the Congress hearings so all we turned up was a dubious shady character hanging around the parking lot talking to himself and occasionally screaming. He identified himself as “Toilets Draconis,” which, he said, was his secret name because, in reality, he is “someone who is very religious and very important in an important way.”
This is how the interview went:
Q: Tell us what you feel about the BBL.
A: It's a national betrayal! Kill the traitors! They must die!
Q: You don't sound happy.
A: Oh, I was just practicing my rational arguments against BBL. Did you know the government plants to give away Mindanao to terrorists?
Q: I don't think it says that in the BBL.
A: It doesn't matter! It's true! And are you aware Muslim separatists are going to receive PHP 75 billion of our tax money?
Q: But that's been disproven.
A: And did you know that the Malaysia is paying millions to this administration for the sellout?
Q: That's a bogus story.
A: That's beside the point! You must give us power! NOW
Q: Who's “us”?
A: The National Trash Formation Council
Q: Trash? As in garbage?
A: Where do you think my arguments come from?
Q: Are you sure it isn't religious bigotry and racism at the heart of your opposition?
A: That's a lie! How dare you! Just because I believe Muslims can never be trusted. Besides, don't you know that as soon as the BBL is passed, ISIS will take over the Philippines and impose Sharia on all of us? Huh? Huh?
Q: Where is your proof?
A: Who cares about proof! I watched all the war movies! I am an expert!
Q: Have you actually even READ the BBL?
A: I don't need to read the BBL, I already know what is in it. Do you know that it will allow radical Muslims to take over and soon they'll set up an Air Defense Identification Zone with the help of China, Russia, ISIS and the World Bank?
Q: And where's your evidence for all of this?
A: Oh my god, you keep demanding proof and asking me questions I have a hard time answering! You must be a PAID HACK OF THE GOVERNMENT!
We were unable to continue the interview because the subject had to leave immediately, pursued by attendants with nets and tranquilizers.
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