I was in the middle of a good dream last night when a large bundle of cash suddenly popped out of nowhere and started berating me.
“You've got to do something about it, this is outrageous!”
“I've never had a dream that featured talking cash,” I said.
“What's the matter, haven't you ever heard of the expression, money talks?” it retorted. “Anyway you've got to do something about this violation of bank secrecy laws. It's unfair!”
“But why me?”
“You're a journalist, it's your duty to expose wrongdoings.”
I said: “Do you realize you just interrupted a beautiful dream?”
“Oh yeah? What?”
“I was dreaming of a deep blue sea, of lovely palm-fringed islands, and a boatload of senators and congressmen being forced to garrison the reefs armed with nothing but rocks.”
““Whatever,” it said.
“What's your problem anyway?” I asked.
It exclaimed: “What's the world of politics coming to when cash like me is exposed to constant harassment and my movements are tracked all over the world?”
“Are you talking about the government's ongoing investigation and freezing of secret bank accounts?” I asked.
“I call it the shameless exposure of sweet innocent wads of money like me to harsh publicity. All we want is to live happy lives deep inside secret bank vaults.”
“That never occurred to me.”
“Don't you think fat stacks of cash deserve some privacy? Here we are, just minding our own business and quietly earning interest then suddenly we're exposed to cruel publicity. Imagine the humiliation we're being subjected to. Our private hideaways revealed! Naked assets exposed!”
“I think the public is entitled to know what happens to its taxes,” I pointed out.
“Oh really?” it sneered. “Haven't you ever heard of the expression 'your taxes are working for you'?”
“Well,” the wad of cash said, “after they work for you, don't you think they're entitled to a vacation? In another country? Like Switzerland? And furthermore, can't we move to a cooler location when things get hot?”
“Hot as in summer?” I asked.
“No, hot as in Senate investigation. You know it's nice and cool in Canada?”
“What should we journalists do?” I asked.
“You should write about. it. No wait, you SHOULDN'T write about it. You should just keep quiet.”
“Hello! It's no longer hidden wealth if everyone knows it exists! What happened to the old days? The days when folks could just go off to a mass?”
I asked, “you mean attend a Mass?”
“No, I mean amass hidden wealth. I know what - I'll get my lawyer to file for impunity.”
“Don't you mean immunity,” I pointed out.
“No I mean impunity. That's always worked.”
I said: “You know, I've never been this close to such a thick wad of cash?”
“Only in your dreams.”
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