Suggested Reality TV Shows

Hot Manila - By Alan Robles

Posted at Jan 23 2013 01:13 PM | Updated as of Jan 23 2013 09:13 PM


When Filipinos read the latest news -- millions in cash handouts at the Senate, rubouts involving crooked cops, political murders -- many of them probably say "ho-hum, just another day at the islands -- wonder when my Australian visa is coming through?"

They shouldn't be so negative. Instead they could be thinking: "Wouldn't this make good reality TV?"

The answer to that, of course, is NO. It would make GREAT reality TV. In fact, speaking as someone concerned that the coffee's effect will soon wear out, I'd say you could combine Philippine-based reality TV with extreme sports to come up with a series of exciting, high (or low) concept shows.

Here are some sample synopses and treatments.

EXTREME POLICE

An inside look at the gritty, tough world of Philippine law enforcement, this show will see policemen compete in various events like "Properly Manning A Checkpoint Firing Only 250 Rounds or Less", and " How To Arrest A Rich Suspect Carrying Drugs and Cash Without Leaving Paraffin Marks On Your Hands" and "Rescue The Hostages While Keeping The Body Count To Less Than 20".

Winners of these events would then compete in the finals, "Extreme Coverup".

EXTREME CONGRESSMEN

While carrying huge greasy pork barrels stuffed full of cash, Representatives of the Lower House will be made to run an obstacle course, avoiding traps like assassination goon squads, exploding cars, nosy reporters, angry mistresses and fellow congressmen. The panting, huffing winners will be attacked by angry midgets armed with staple removers.

EXTREME JUSTICE

Supreme Court justices try to see who can pen the fastest decision while growing a foreign exchange account and buying up posh property in Manila. The winner gets a golden wheelchair.

EXTREME GOVERNOR

Dramatically highlighting humanity's fortitude and endurance, this show will test the ability of a local government official to literally stay in office. The participating official will be walled up in the governor's building, forced to live there as long as she can, on the understanding that the minute she steps out, she will be attacked by angry midgets armed with staple removers. If she never comes out the public will be declared the winner.

EXTREME SENATOR

Participating senators compete to show who can most quickly copy and paste the largest number of quotations from sources without attribution. Winners get free wonderful prizes and surprises from the Senate President. As a bonus competition, participants will be made to think of non-invasive ways to test if the Senate President is still alive.

At the very last episode, participants participate in a dance-off, Gangnam style. They will then be attacked by angry midgets armed with staple removers .

EXTREME BISHOP

This will be less action-oriented and more cerebral and spiritual. Bishops will compete in events such as "Who Can Come Closest To Guessing Which Century This Is", and producing "50 Best Ways of Smuggling Ivory". The winner gets to own a lovely red sports utility vehicle. The trunk will be full of angry midgets but we won't tell the winner.

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Disclaimer: The views in this blog are those of the blogger and do not necessarily reflect the views of ABS-CBN Corp.